“Invited to a Gay Wedding?”

“Hey Pastor Alberta…I need some help!  I love my sister very much even though she is a lesbian and has rejected the Gospel.  But now she is getting  ‘married’ to her woman friend and I have no interest in going to her wedding.   Now the family is accusing me of being cruel and a very bad Christian for judging her etc.  What am I to do?  This is really upsetting!”

The above note is a composite of questions I have received over the many years I’ve served as a Pastor.  Even very recently.  So many evangelicals have faced this question.  So…here are a few thoughts:

FIRST:  I understand the problem.  The Word of God is very clear that homosexual activity is “abominable” in the sight of God.  All of Leviticus Chapter 18 addresses it.  Romans One and elsewhere it is re-enforced.  So, we recoil at a gay wedding with good reason.  The Holy Spirit lives inside of us and we sense that He will not approve.

SECOND:  We must watch our attitude in this because gay people are still made in the image of God and sinners to whom Christ is offered.  Yet, Jesus told the woman caught in adultery to “Go and sin no more!”

THIRD:  Family and others will not understand if you do not go.  Your concern is that you don’t want to invite anyone to think you approve.  But you can’t exactly go and walk around with a sign that says “I don’t approve.”  In other words, you cannot win in this situation.  Don’t be surprised if others find your concerns unloving.  But keep in mind that our Lord said:

Matthew 5:11 “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you because of me…”

FOURTH:  This is important!  You are NOT JUDGING HER!  God has made known His judgment of such behavior and all you are doing, if you choose not to go, is honoring God.  He has spoken.  Think of it this way: would you get drunk to satisfy someone else when you know that would be a sin?  Of course not.  BUT…those who don’t have Christ in them will probably call you narrow-minded and hateful.  Got it.

FIFTH:  You might ask your sister why she is asking to go if she knows that it will make you uncomfortable?  Would she like to be asked to participate in something that required her to compromise that way?

SIXTH:  If you do not go, tell her gently that you care for her and love her etc.  That you wish her and her friend well.  Perhaps give them a gift card.  Do not be hateful.  But you are entitled to say “No” to many of life’s invitations.  Just do it gently.

SEVENTH:  Pray for her/them and hope they will not proceed or perhaps they will change their minds.

EIGHTH:  Keep in mind that many Bible-believing folks think differently about this.  They have gone to gay weddings and think it was regrettable but since the couple was going to be married  anyway…they thought it best to try to be “nice” about it.  I respect that.  But, for what it is worth…I would not go.  And  I would  not expect all others to understand my thinking.

Invited to a gay wedding?  May the Lord give you great wisdom!  Blessings!

Pastor Alberta

 

 

6 Comments

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6 responses to ““Invited to a Gay Wedding?”

  1. Connie

    Amen, I find myself checking email more frequently hoping to see your blog. Reading to Art as he drives and grateful we still have your wisdom and clear voice in our lives. Our Lord and Savior has more work for you in tending your flock. Thank you 🙏

  2. Mark Edward Bumann

    Difficult decision to be sure and insightful comments as usual Dearest Shepherd. Some other thoughts as I have had to struggle similarly as
    well.
    1. We have ( the only example I know of anyway) our Lord attending a wedding. We don’t have many other facts but He did attend and He performed His first miracle I believe.
    I am not sure of the particulars but let us assume that it was a good Jewish
    couple approved of all parties involved and sanctioned by the proper religious and civil authorities. My question is would Jesus have attended, let alone performed a miracle had the wedding been not approved of like a Jew marrying an Arab or an unbeliever to a believer? Maybe He didn’t know and was just there for the purpose of the miracle. Maybe He knew there were things about this union that He would not approve of but attended anyway for the greater purpose of the miracle? We can’t know for sure but I sense He was there for the ‘greater’ purpose.
    2. So what would be our ‘greater’ purpose for attending? We certainly have no miracles to perform…or do we? We can not attend and so affirm our moral Godly virtue and steel ourselves and provide great witness and the courage of our convictions under fire. This would be an admirable and viable option for sure but I see no ‘miracle’ in this. Others, newer Christians or borderline believers could be strengthened and heartened by such a decision so there is a possible ‘miracle’ in this.
    3. I would go ( and have) as my brother asked me to not only attend but be Best Man. Although sexual ‘orientation’ was not the issue or ‘sin’ for me, it was two people who had serious psychological and emotional issues that, in my opinion, needed deep psychotherapy NOT a Justice of the Peace! I made sure after much prayer, that both of them knew that by deciding to accept and go, that I was doing so under duress and much disapproval of the union. I believe the Lord honored my attendance, my Best Man speech and my Christian witness to more people and relatives than I could have ever gathererd on my own in a lifetime. I think that was the ‘miracle’, the ‘greater’ purpose if you will. They divorced 5 years later so that worldly work in the flesh ended but who knows the spiritual works the Lord performed through me that day, what became of that? What harvest has been wrought from the seeds He allowed me to plant in that fertile garden? Don’t know but glad I went. If you decide not to go, out of just as point of conviction, then the Lord will honor that in someway as well. As Pastor said (in other terms) ‘fielders choice’ 😉

  3. Hi, Pr. Alberta,
    Excellent treatment of a VERY uncomfortable topic!! I have shared it with a friend who unfortunately had to deal with exactly this situation with one of their daughters! Hope your back is improving … at least it is not adversely affecting your writing 😉
    Blessings … Bill

  4. Thanks for the depth of your wisdom. Certainly one of the best sources of wisdom on this topic is from a gal I first learned of hearing a speaking reply on the radio. http://rosariabutterfield.com/ She obviously showed her articulation as a former professor of English and women’s studies at Syracuse University, strong advocate of the homosexual lifestyle, practicing herself. She noted ‘one day I slipped out of bed that I shared with my lesbian mate, and into the back row at church’. As she notes, sexual sin comes in all shapes and sizes. Would I wish to attend an event embracing an adulterous situation? Not so unusual in Asia to have multiple families.

  5. Carlene Meyer

    Thank you so much for addressing this issue. We have the potential coming up of just this kind of situation in our family. What a painful choice this puts us in!

    The other possibility is this lesbian couple will just have a baby to raise together. The baby certainly isn’t at fault, but there are baby showers,etc. involved. The evil one certainly loves to test us every day through loved ones if at all possible!

  6. Thank you for shedding light on a delicate subject Pastor Alberta.

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